My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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