dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
