I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
