I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I could fuck to npr.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
