I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
