So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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