I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
