I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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