it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
