you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
