You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
