You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
