apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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