You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
