Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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