Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
