I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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