If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
they need to just BURY HIM!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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