IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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