2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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