The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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