you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
