I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
