I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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