There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
