I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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