I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
