Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
