he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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