I can't breathe out the right side of my face
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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