Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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