im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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