i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
