did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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