I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
