Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
