Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
