and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
