Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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