i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
