Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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