lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
