shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
