nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
