I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
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The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
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I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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