sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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