I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to sanitize my soul.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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