Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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