She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she told me i tasted like america
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
