Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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