It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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