I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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