can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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