just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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