I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
