I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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