I have demons in me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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