So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think my mom watched the whole time
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
