If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
