Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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