I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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