Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
