guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
