people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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