i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Found the puke drawer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
