the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
