I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
