You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
