Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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