You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
