me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
