I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
