i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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