That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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