Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
