thus making me awesome and them whores
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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